Our Stories
Charlotte Jane Wilson
My husband and I had decided we would only tell our families and close friends about our twin pregnancy. We wanted to wait until our daughters were born to announce it on social media. We were getting so excited to finally share them after keeping it a secret for so long.
On the 14th of August 2023 at 36 weeks + 3 days pregnant, after a relatively good but high risk pregnancy our beautiful twin girls, Matilda Jane and Charlotte Jane were born. I had decreased movements with Charlotte, our twin B and went to the hospital to get checked. I was strapped up to the monitors and they quickly found 2 heartbeats. I should have been relieved but my gut feeling was still off. Turns out it was Matilda’s they were picking up twice, this had happened a few times during the pregnancy. They grabbed the portable ultrasound machine and did a quick scan to check their positions.
They scanned Matilda and she was doing great. They moved onto Charlotte, it took a while to get the right angle. Obviously I have seen enough ultrasounds to know what I’m looking at, what would usually be a flicker on the screen was absolutely blank, no signs of movement anywhere. The doctor went over her heart and brain to see the blood flow and it was black. Complete darkness. Like a black void. I was fixated on the screen when a song by Dean Lewis came on over the radio. The only lyrics I heard at that moment were ‘how do I say goodbye’. I knew it was Charlotte. Tears were silently streaming down my face this whole time, I knew deep down she was gone. The doctor and midwife who I had spent so much time with during my pregnancy just looked at me and then each other. They didn’t even have to say the words, I could tell from their faces she had no heartbeat. I broke down and started wailing.
I’m so grateful my mum was there though. I can’t even imagine if I had found out alone. But now I had to call my husband, how do I tell him one of his daughters didn’t have a heartbeat? It was the most excruciating phone call I’ve ever made. He was in shock. In disbelief. He got to the hospital soon after and we were put into the bereavement room. He was waiting for the formal ultrasound to confirm. We needed to have hope right? After the ultrasound confirmed our worst nightmare, I was put on the emergency caesarean list. We spent the next few hours waiting, crying and holding each other. We called our parents and siblings and asked them to share the horrific news with our families.
At 6:49pm Matilda was born safely, weighing 6 pounds. At 6:50pm, one minute later, but what felt like hours. Charlotte was stillborn. She weighed 4 pounds 8 ounces and was 46cm long. She was the most beautiful little baby, and she looked so much like her twin.
The next 4 days were spent in a private room in the birth suite with our two girls. We had loved ones come and meet them. I found myself very disassociated in the hospital trying to survive. Heartfelt came the day after to take professional photos for us. It was our son’s 2nd birthday. I’m so glad he got to meet her. It was beautiful, we treasure all the photos we have of our children together. I found Patrick was looking at Charlotte a lot more than Matilda. Could he sense she wasn’t alive?
During one of our first ultrasounds it was determined the girls were DCDA twins (fraternal) But, there was evidence to suggest that they may have been identical. After months and months of waiting and 3 extensive extraction techniques, our samples were flat line. It failed. We’re heartbroken that we'll never know for sure what our girls are but we did everything we possibly could, to get an answer.
We were told by the doctors that Charlotte died from a ‘Fetomaternal Hemorrhage’. She bled out into my bloodstream. We still don’t know how this happened. A normal amount of blood in the ‘Kleihauer Betke’ test is under 1ml. Mine came back at 47ml. They retested because of the high number and it came back at 100ml! She would have had 150ml of blood in her whole body. Unfortunately she had lost a very significant amount and there was nothing we could have done. We still don’t know why it happened and I don’t think we will ever know. We agreed to let the hospital do a case study. It may not give us any more information or answers but we hope it can help others learn from our experience.
Although we have to live a life without Charlotte in it. We continue to honour her in everything that we do. We will always speak her name and tell her big brother and twin sister how beautiful she was. Her memory will live on, forever and always. We love you so much, our darling little Lottie.
Rebecca & Daniel, Charlotte’s parents
@rjwilson95
